It Won’t Matter

When I stand at the gate of heaven, it won’t matter anymore what people thought of me.

It won’t matter, all the petty things that caused me to struggle, they will all seem so small and earthly.

It won’t matter if I was misunderstood.

It won’t matter if I was not the most popular person in the church.

It won’t matter if my toes have been stepped on,

It won’t matter if I was right or wrong on certain issues.

It won’t matter if my pride was hurt, and ego was smashed.

It won’t matter that my bank account was smaller than my friend and neighbor.

It won’t matter what kind of house I lived in, what vehicles I drove, or what humble job I had.

It won’t matter if my children were not the most popular on the block.

No, it won’t matter, it won’t matter.

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What will matter is if my heart is right with God.

It will matter if I have forgiven.

It will matter if I have let go of earthly pride.

It will matter if I have learned to submit my will to the Lord.

It will matter if I have prayed.

It will matter if I have put God first.

It will matter if I have loved my fellow human beings.

It will matter if I have been unselfish.

It will matter if I have lived a current Christ-like life.

It will matter if I have been honest and God fearing.

It will matter that I have been humble and faithful.

Yes, it will matter, it will matter.

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It is easy for me to hold on too little hurts and offenses. I find myself tempted to let them circle in my mind kind of like my pets. I do not want to let them go, because I feel like I have a right to keep them. What I fail to realize is that they are stealing my joy. I find that I have to protect them, after all they are my pets. I try not to let other people see them, but that means I have to not let others come into my house. If they do, I have to keep them in the front rooms because those pets are hiding in the back bedroom. Yet as hard as I try to hide those pets of hurt and offense, the smell of them still lingers. I have become so used to it, I cannot smell them, but for someone coming in, they are sure to recognize the odor. I try to keep some air freshener of good works, and lots of words, hoping that will mask the odor, but the telltale signs remain.

I realize I need the Master cleaner to come in and clean my house, but I do not have the heart to turn those pets out. They have lived with me so long that I have become quite attached to them. Then I consider the bigger picture. What if they are what are keeping me from real, true happiness? What would it feel like if I did not have to hide them anymore? I could have people over and not have to worry about them discovering my hidden secrets!

I go to my telephone of prayer and ring up the Master. There I tell him all about the problem I am having with these pets that I have been keeping in my house. I tell him that they are keeping me from enjoying life. I tell him everything; how I have to hide them when others come over and I am tired of it. I plead with him to come and take them, because I have neither the strength, nor ability to get rid of them myself. I cry and blubber, telling him I am so sorry for not calling on him sooner, but if he will come now, I will be ever so grateful.

The silence on the other end of the line is broken by His loving voice. “Thank you, son, for the call, and most certainly I will come and take them away. I have been waiting and wanting to for a long time, but I could not just come in and take them away without your permission. I am very happy that you called, and I will be right over.”

I end the prayer call and wait quietly for Him to arrive. I step out of my closet of prayer and look around. The sun is shining in at the windows which are open to let the morning breezes flow in and out. And the doors are open, my pets are nowhere to be seen. I then realize that he has already come and transformed my house. Tears flow down my face, and songs of praise come to my heart, and burst upon my lips. Tears of sadness that I waited so long, and joy of the newfound freedom mingle together and flow down my face. I am free, free at last.

From that time till now, I have determined to live with my doors and windows open. There is a newfound vulnerability to me that feels both invigorating yet strange. It feels strange but really good. This new freedom has brought the joy of having people step in for a visit. We talk about the deep things of life, as well as the everyday mundane things that occupy our lives. There is such freedom and joy to be open and let love flow.

Sometimes I look back at the life I lived before and wonder what it was all about. I wonder how I came to be in that state of living. Occasionally niggling thoughts stop by and their shadow falls across my living room. I wonder is it all taken care of? Is the past really history, or am I living in some sort of a delusion that will soon go away? When this happens, I find that telephone of prayer in the closet and call the Master. He comes over and He and I sit together looking into His Word where he points out truth for me to hold on to. Those promises drive those thoughts away. Sometimes he tells me to invite one of my friends over to talk about it. Other times I find joy in going to the Masters house of worship and join in the singing with my Christian brothers and sisters. There the Master meets us as a group and speaks to us and the happiness that comes from being together makes the sunshine once more.

There is coming a time when the Master will come back and take us home to live with Him forever, and I want to be ready. That is why the big picture is so important. It will all look so little when we get to heaven, that we will wonder why it took us so long to surrender. The things that seemed so important on this old earth, will seem as nothing in the view of an eternity of peace, love, and happiness.

If my selfish nature will bar me from heaven’s door, then a little humiliation, pain, and suffering here below, will be a small price for eternal bliss forever. If I can keep that in mind as I go along in life, it will be worth the sacrifice. In the end it will not even be a sacrifice, because those problems were not mine to have anyway.

I am learning to live free. When the old pets of fear, feeling misunderstood, hurt, or pride come scratching at my door, I call on the Master to drive them away. The more often I drive them away and do not feed them on my porch, the less they come around. This gives me freedom, joy, and happiness because my name is written in heaven. Not because I am good, or worthy, but because He loved me and chose to save me.

In heaven, we will sing that song from the heart: Lord it all looks so little from here, Lord it all looks so little from here. *

Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.

He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.

With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

Psalms 91:14-16 KJV

*Rosa Henry