The Fear of Not Being Enough

The woman with the issue of blood, knowing in her mind according to the law that she was unclean, sought healing for her infirmity. She visited many doctors, which reminded her again and again of her problem. Perhaps, she thought, even God has placed this curse and has chosen not to heal me. So, she opted to hide her infirmity and go about her life. Yet deep in her heart, she knew that if people found out, she could be reprimanded for her indiscretion. She felt dirty, guilty, and unclean. She knew that no man would want to come near her; in fact, she was afraid of them because of the judgment. Yet something pulled her out of her house that day and into the swarming throng. At first, she wondered what it was all about, but soon she began to see a central figure, Jesus of Nazareth. Straining to see and hear what was happening, she could just catch the words He was saying. “Arise, take up thy bed” and with that, a cripple rose and began leaping and crying, free from any trace of disease. Amazed, she thought, “Maybe this is my answer; maybe He could heal me! But I am unclean,” she said to herself, “I cannot tell Him my problem!” Yet something about Jesus eased her fear. “Oh,” she thought, “If I could just touch His clothing without Him knowing it, maybe I can be healed!” With this, she began to gently push her way towards the center of the crowd. The closer she got, the more doubts assaulted her mind. Fear began to cause her to quake inside, and her pulse began to race. “If only, if only I could touch the hem of His clothes without Him knowing it!” Closer and closer she pressed, and lower and lower she bent so as not to be seen. Then practically stumbling while reaching past the men who surrounded Him, her fingers ever so gently and briefly brushed the hem of Jesus’s robe. Immediately, she felt a transformation within her. Quickly, she began to slip back into the masses. Then she heard it, “Who touched me?” Fear gripped her heart as she heard one of the men by His side say, “How can you say that someone touched you when people are touching you on all sides?” She was caught! Her plan had failed! Yet there was no anger or reprimand in His voice, and she knew that a miracle had happened to her. Slowly she turned back, head down as one guilty of the greatest crime. Falling at His feet, she whispered, “I did, I thought you would not notice!” The kind sympathetic eyes of Jesus looked down at her with the deepest compassion. “Daughter, thou art free of thy infirmity,” came His gentle words.

Over the twelve years of her infirmity, she had never completely given up hope of healing. Yet everything she tried had failed, and the result was that she felt a deep sense of not being good enough to be whole. Pressed upon her by the law and reinforced by the environment in which she lived, she developed a deep inner conclusion that she was not worthy or good enough. And after her attempts at healing and consequent failures, she sunk deeper into hopelessness. Each failure of healing was a nail in the coffin of despair. For this reason, she feared not being enough. But then she met Jesus, and in His eyes, she was enough. No matter how she tried, she could not escape Him. He called to her in her lonely world; He commended her for her faith. What man was incapable of doing, Jesus was able to accomplish.

I hesitate to take a story like this out of the Bible and put my own speculation on it because the facts could be quite different than I have imagined. Yet the outcome is the same. She had suffered much with many physicians, yet they were unable to cure her of her ailment. You can read the story for yourself. Matthew 9:20-22, Mark 5:25-34, Luke 8:43-48

It is possible that you or someone near you is suffering silently in need of healing. They may have been told many things and tried many ways to be free from it, only to fail again. They may be about to give up and say it is no use. Who will you be? Will you be another physician with another cure to try, or will the love of Jesus in your heart show them the way to peace and healing? What will it be? Often times, the one bearing a load needs a place to share and be heard without a fix. They need you to weep with them for their loss, their grief over what this pain inside has caused them. They need you to listen with your heart and acknowledge their burden, even though you may not entirely understand it. They do not need comparisons; they only drive the pain deeper. They need you and me to be a place to feel safe and valued. To accept them the way they are with all their flaws and dirt. You do not have to have the answer for them, for you only partially understand them. Will you show them the heart of Jesus? Will you sit with them in their misery and experience it together with them? You may see faults in their lives and things they could do to change their situation, but instead of uttering those words, you just sit with them and weep. And do you know what? I think you will! If you have experienced a few things in life, and if you know the love of Jesus, you will not be able to not reach out. Just a smile, a squeeze of their arm as you pass, a message letting them know you are thinking about them, and those touches may be the face of Jesus that they see. Maybe they will reach out to you and want to visit and maybe not. Either way you will be there for them, waving them on, cheering their progress, and always pointing them to Jesus who is the complete healer. And your love for them will grow stronger and their trust in you will grow too. And one day, you may witness the miracle they have been waiting for. And you will rejoice with them, knowing that you played a little part in their journey, but now Jesus, it is He, who was the true healer!

I give this as a tribute to all those who have walked with me on the journey of my life.