The Inner Critic

Tramp, tramp, tramp, bang! The door practically flies off its hinges. Short and fat, tall and thin; red, yellow, black, white, and blue. March, march, march, like an army of ants, they pour through the door as if someone pulled the plug on the dam. They climb onto the table and under the chairs, they swing from the light fixtures, while others empty the cupboards. I freeze in panic, then shout, “You cannot be in here!” as I grab the broom and try to sweep them out. I grab the vacuum to suck them out, and the leaf blower to blow them out. I lean against the door, trying desperately to stem the tide, yet on they come with their gear, like they are here to stay. They jump off the tables onto the beds, and onto the floor, stirring up dust bunnies and knocking everything over that ends up in their path. In a panic, I realize that the room is filling with them much like a river running into a sea without an outlet. If I do not do something, I will drown! The noise is deafening! They are all shouting at me! Some I can make out what they are saying, while others are just noise. Then the thought comes; I should have thought of it before! I run and jump, wrestle and head-butt my way to the other side of the room and open the other door. The relief is immediate! They tumble out, like a broken dam, while I lean against the wall and watch them go. I breathe a sigh of relief and once again the tramp, tramp, of feet are heard again, as I watch them come and watch them go. Big ones, little ones, short fat, thin, or tall, slowing at times, other times faster, but never ending.

This is the endless flow of thoughts. I am learning to watch them come and see them go. They are just thoughts, and do not define me, that is if I keep the exit door open.

This bit of imagination may seem a bit crazy, but one evening before bedtime I decided to take revenge on my inner critic. I had had enough of his constant bombardment of thoughts. Not that it helped so much, but I did find a little humor as I pictured the scene playing out in word form. Unfortunately, it was not enough to silence him or keep him from occasionally setting up shop in my mind. He still comes around and tries to run my life. In my defense, I try to remember that the thoughts that come into my mind do not define me; they are just thoughts, and I can let them go and believe that God will retain the ones that I need to consider. At least that is what I try to do!