The Problem with Fault-Finding

Perhaps ten years ago I had this unusual, interesting lesson from God. You know how it is; we dress our best going to church, wearing long-sleeved shirts, slacks, dress shoes, and all the rest that goes with Sunday attire. On this Sunday morning, I walked in and sat in one of the back pews. Suddenly, the thought came to me quite clearly, “Do not judge by outward appearance.” This thought was so impressive, it really got my attention. I sat there considering it through the opening and prayer. Soon, the superintendent dismissed everyone for Sunday school. Several pews ahead of me, a brother stood up, and low and behold, he was not dressed in our normal Sunday attire. He was wearing a short sleeve shirt! Some of you about now may be thinking, “What’s the big deal with that?” Well, if you had just had that thought come to you, then this brother stands up to walk out clearly not wearing a long sleeve dress shirt like the rest, I imagine it would make you wonder too. In my mind I was like, “Is this brother discouraged? Is he trying to make a statement?” That made no sense, I had no reason to believe this brother was discouraged or anything like that.

We all proceeded to our Sunday School classes, and I found myself in the same class as the brother in the short sleeve shirt. I suppose he felt a little conspicuous, because it was not long before he explained his situation. At the time, he did some mechanic work. The day before, he had found it necessary to open the radiator on a vehicle, and the hot water and steam scalded his arm so badly, that his long sleeve shirt was too painful to wear. Despite this fact, his desire to be in church was stronger than his fear of standing out. I really appreciate that brother today, and it goes without saying that it was a lesson I will never forget. I may forget to practice it like I should, but when I think back to it, it always reminds me not to jump to conclusions before understanding the background of the story. I am very thankful for that lesson.

There are many scenarios that we could talk about pertaining to that story. Suppose I had not been in his Sunday school class and heard his story? Suppose that I had carried other negative and critical thoughts towards that brother? Suppose I had a critical heart? I may have said, “I would never do that! Opening a hot radiator? I mean, it says right on the cap not to do it!” Well, maybe I would not say it out loud, but would think it. Yet to be truthful, the reason I can tell this story is because I have done the same thing myself.

A critical and fault-finding attitude has no redemptive value. When I am critical of someone, I forget that I am capable of the same thing. I may be tempted to tell someone off, or how I think they should live their life, but what redemptive value does that have?

Criticism and fault-finding are not born of an understanding compassionate heart; the root is found in self and pride. That may seem a bit strong to say it that way. Perhaps you or I grew up in a home that was critical of others, and it became a habit to be critical and look down on others. Perhaps you could not please your own family. You may find that you are even critical of your own actions, feeling like you are never good enough, striving for perfection in your own heart. This inner striving for perfection may cause you to set a personal standard for others.

A Godly concern and love for others, sees a problem, at the same time they recognize they could have the same problem. This compassion reaches out to offer support and understanding before placing judgment.

A compassionate person or a critical one may see the same problem, but from different viewpoints. If you come to me and try to understand my heart, I will feel that you genuinely care about my soul, even if I do not feel it at the moment. If you come to me ready to fix my problems, it will not have the same effect.

Recently I was visiting with a business lady who attends a church in town, about going to church. Her thought was that it is necessary to attend church for both our spiritual well-being and accountability. She went on to say that sitting and sharing a Coke or a meal with someone gives you a deeper understanding of them than casual conversation. This would support the Biblical stand on hospitality. 8 And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. 9 Use hospitality one to another without grudging. 1 Peter 4:8-9 KJV

Here is another story that has reminded me over and over of how our own preconceived ideas can get in our way.

Several years ago, I traveled with a friend to Ukraine to visit the missionaries and church brothers and sisters. From my years in Russia, I have a very basic understanding of the language. This can be helpful as well as a hindrance.

My friend, having spent quite a few years living in Ukraine, had a pretty good grasp of the language. One day we visited a former acquaintance of his from their time of service. As we sat having tea, the two of them conversed about life, catching up on each other’s families and what not. Periodically, my friend would stop and tell me what they were talking about, while I exhausted my limited vocabulary trying to follow along. Here and there I would pick up a word that I thought gave me a general idea of their conversation. Once I had the general idea of their conversation, I could follow with the few words I did understand, or so I thought. It was not so important that I wanted to hinder the conversation by asking him to stop to translate all the details. He, on the other hand, had much more confidence in my speaking and understanding capabilities than I knew I had. One time, in particular as they were talking, I was feeling pretty good about my ability to understand their discourse. Then my friend stopped and told me what their conversation was about, and boy was I surprised! I was way off. I had assumed what their conversation was about and was picking up words that supported that understanding. They were on a completely different topic than I supposed! What a lesson! I had assumed I understood what they were talking about, then found words to support that thought! It was a good thing that the conversation did not matter that much, because I may have been on a bus and they on a train, or a ship on the other side of the planet, as far as my understanding was concerned. I was lost and did not know it. If I had simply asked, instead of assuming, maybe I could have avoided getting so far off in my understanding.

I wonder how many times I have been guilty of the same thing with understanding people. I look at them from the outside and draw conclusions from what I see. With that impression in my heart, I see things that support what I think, which may not be how things really are. As humans, we are quick to draw conclusions, then look for evidence to support them. As I found out, this can lead to some major problems with truly understanding someone’s heart.

We can have many ideas and theories about people, governments, and other entities, which may be built upon supposition, and hearsay, rather than facts. This is dangerous ground to be on. Without knowing the truth, we seek information that supports our beliefs. We can fall into self-deception, and questioning spirits, and conspiracies soon follow. When people begin to go down these lines of thinking, the truth becomes illusive and may soon be lost to them. It does not stay with just one area of their lives, but soon they begin to question many things, especially leaders and authority. This thinking promotes our version of the truth, which may not be the way things really are.

We all view life from where we stand and through the lenses of our experience. This forms the basis of our judgment or lack of it. It is human nature to make comparisons and use our experiences as the normal way that other people should experience a similar thing. How wrong we can be. We forget the other person also is experiencing life from where they stand and see things through their own lens of understanding. This does not necessarily mean we are wrong, after all there are real problems, and I have my own share of them. The problem is when I “problem solve” for someone else, without trying to understand things from their perspective, and from their place in life.

This is human nature. God has given different experiences to different people. He has given different personalities, temperaments, and makes of individuals on this earth to help and complement each other. It would be a drab world if we all saw things all the same. God uses the differences with others to help purify our lives. Just as stones in the stream become smooth and polished from the water continually moving them against each other, so God uses other people to polish our rough edges, purifying our lives.

I deeply admire individuals who have the gift of being non-judgmental. I do not know if that is a gift, or if it is part of their experiences in life that have made them that way, but it makes them comfortable to be around.

So, what happens if I do not take myself to the cross and crucify my flesh? What happens if I allow wounds that I get from others to fester in my life? Naturally, I will become offended. An offended heart and a critical, fault-finding spirit go hand in hand. If I have a critical spirit, I may have some unhealed wounds and offense in my heart. This may not be apparent to me, but it is visible to those looking on. When I carry a fault-finding attitude, I can see a lot of things others should do different, but very little to offer in the way of constructive help. My very attitude disqualifies me.

A faithful Christian shuns fault-finding attitudes because he knows where they come from. Likewise, the church of God does not criticize other churches. She lives and practices the complete doctrine of the Word, keeping herself pure, so the true light of God can be a beacon of hope and peace in a dark world.

In conclusion, we do well to look at ourselves in the light of God’s word. We should ask the Lord, “Do I have a fault-finding attitude? Do I carry offense in my heart?”

I believe every person that has ever lived has had to deal with this very human problem of fault-finding and offense. Therefore, it should not seem strange if we join their ranks and find some of it lurking around in our own lives.

The Bible tells us that offenses will come, so we should not think it strange if we find some in our own lives. We can be assured that God understands. He also is the solution to the dilemma. A humble heart and a daily connection with God, will be our best defense.

When I am tempted to think critical thoughts of others, I should ask myself what I would do in their circumstances. I should put myself in their place, and them in mine, and imagine what my response should be. Most likely, if you listen to their heart, it will change your opinion and stir your love and compassion.

The trouble with fault-finding is that it is shortsighted, not seeing the whole picture, or the full truth. It generally focuses on the here and now, and what pertains to my own thinking.

I am not saying that we should not occasionally share a concern with someone. After all, God’s word tells us to do so in Matthew 18, and we promised in our baptismal vows to give and take reproof. This should always be practiced in the spirit of God and love, “considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.” Galatians 6:1. Caring for our brothers and sisters is one of the core doctrines of the church of God. It provides both accountability and security. When practiced in the true love of God, it has tremendous keeping power. While writing this, I have been considering my own life, and I fall very short of the mark. In many ways, the “you,” or the “they,” throughout this writing, could just as well have my name inserted there. I believe God gave me this inspiration for a personal reminder for my own life. Maybe this verse sums it up for me: Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: James 1:19 KJV

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The following are a few scripture references supporting the topic.

Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Galatians 6:1 KJV

Judge not, that ye be not judged.
For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye. Matthew 7:1-5 KJV

Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican.
The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.
I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.
And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.
I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted. Luke 18:10-14 KJV

Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!
It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.
Luke 17:1-4 KJV

And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst,
They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.
Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?
This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not.
So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?
She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more. John 8:3-11 KJV

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“Judge Softly”

“Pray, don’t find fault with the man that limps,
Or stumbles along the road.
Unless you have worn the moccasins he wears,
Or stumbled beneath the same load.
There may be tears in his soles that hurt
Though hidden away from view.
The burden he bears placed on your back
May cause you to stumble and fall, too.
Don’t sneer at the man who is down today
Unless you have felt the same blow
That caused his fall or felt the shame
That only the fallen know.
You may be strong, but still the blows
That were his, unknown to you in the same way,
May cause you to stagger and fall, too.
Don’t be too harsh with the man that sins.
Or pelt him with words, or stone, or disdain.
Unless you are sure you have no sins of your own,
And it’s only wisdom and love that your heart contains.
For you know if the tempter’s voice
Should whisper as soft to you,
As it did to him when he went astray,
It might cause you to falter, too.
Just walk a mile in his moccasins
Before you abuse, criticize and accuse.
If just for one hour, you could find a way
To see through his eyes, instead of your own muse.
I believe you’d be surprised to see
That you’ve been blind and narrow-minded, even unkind.
There are people on reservations and in the ghettos
Who have so little hope, and too much worry on their minds.
Brother, there but for the grace of God go you and I.
Just for a moment, slip into his mind and traditions
And see the world through his spirit and eyes
Before you cast a stone or falsely judge his conditions.
Remember to walk a mile in his moccasins
And remember the lessons of humanity taught to you by your elders.
We will be known forever by the tracks we leave
In other people’s lives, our kindnesses and generosity.
Take the time to walk a mile in his moccasins.”
~ by Mary T. Lathrap, 1895